By Jaswal Law | February 11th 2026 | Family Law
Separation is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences a family can face. During this difficult time, even well-intentioned parents can make mistakes that harm their children and complicate their legal situation. We see these patterns repeatedly in our practice, and the good news is they’re all preventable with awareness and self-control.
At Jaswal Law, we help families throughout the Edmonton region navigate separation while protecting their children’s wellbeing and their own legal interests. Understanding these common mistakes before you make them can save your family years of conflict and thousands in legal fees.
“Tell your dad he needs to pay for your hockey registration.” “Ask your mom if she got my text about next weekend.”
When communication with your co-parent feels impossible, using your children to relay messages might seem practical. It’s not. It’s deeply harmful and courts take it very seriously.
Why It’s Harmful
Children shouldn’t be responsible for adult communication. When you use them as messengers, you place them in the middle of your conflict, creating impossible loyalty binds. They feel responsible for delivering messages accurately, worry about how each parent will react, and often feel like they’re betraying one parent by talking to the other.
This pattern teaches children that they’re responsible for managing their parents’ relationship—a burden no child should carry. Family court judges recognize this behavior as harmful and may view it as evidence of poor judgment that can negatively affect your parenting time and decision-making authority.
The Right Approach
Use direct communication methods like text, email, or phone calls between parents only. Consider co-parenting apps like OurFamilyWizard or Talking Parents that create documented records while keeping children completely out of the conversation.
If communication has completely broken down, consider hiring a parenting coordinator or using your lawyers to communicate about major issues. Yes, it costs money, but it’s far less expensive than the therapy your children will need from being caught in the middle.
Enrolling your child in a new school without discussing it. Scheduling non-emergency medical procedures during your parenting time. Signing your child up for expensive activities and expecting the other parent to pay half.
Many parents think, “It’s my parenting time, so I can make these decisions.” That’s not how parenting authority works in Alberta, and this assumption creates serious legal problems.
Understanding Decision-Making Authority
In Alberta, most separated parents have joint decision-making authority for major issues affecting their children. This means both parents must be consulted and must agree on educational decisions, medical and dental care, religious upbringing, and expensive or time-intensive extracurricular activities.
Day-to-day decisions during your parenting time don’t require consultation. But anything with lasting impact or significant cost typically does.
Real Consequences
If you unilaterally make major decisions, the other parent can take you to court. Judges don’t look favorably on parents who ignore joint decision-making authority. You might be ordered to reverse your decision, pay the other parent’s legal costs, or face modifications to your custody arrangement. If you sign your child up for expensive activities without agreement, you’ll likely be solely responsible for the cost.
When parents make competing major decisions without coordination, children get caught in loyalty conflicts. One parent enrolls them in hockey, the other in dance—both at the same time. The child feels responsible for choosing between parents.
How to Handle Major Decisions Properly
Initiate discussions early when you think something is important for your child. Provide complete information including costs, time commitments, and alternatives. Allow reasonable time for the other parent to consider and respond thoughtfully.
Focus discussions around what benefits your child. When you reach agreement, confirm it in writing to prevent misunderstandings. If you can’t agree, consider mediation rather than acting unilaterally.
The only exception is genuine emergencies—if your child needs immediate medical attention, make necessary decisions immediately and inform the other parent as soon as reasonably possible.
Making verbal agreements about schedule changes, financial arrangements, or parenting decisions without written confirmation creates problems when memories differ. “We agreed he’d pay for hockey.” “She said I could have the kids that weekend.” Without documentation, these disputes become impossible to resolve.
Why Documentation Matters
Memory is unreliable, especially during stressful times. People genuinely remember conversations differently. When disputes reach family court, judges need evidence and can’t determine what was agreed to based on conflicting accounts.
Without documentation, courts often default to the formal written agreement, even if you’ve been doing something different informally. All your goodwill and flexibility can work against you when there’s no record of what you actually agreed to.
How to Document Effectively
Use email or text for all agreements—these create automatic timestamps and records. Even if you discuss something by phone, follow up with a confirming email. Co-parenting apps are specifically designed to document all communication, schedule changes, and expense sharing in one place.
Be clear and specific. Instead of “We agreed about summer vacation,” write “We’ve agreed the children will spend July 1-15 with Mom and July 16-31 with Dad.” Stay professional—courts read these exchanges, and your tone matters.
Document all schedule changes, financial agreements, major parenting decisions, and any commitments either parent makes. Make documentation a habit, not something you only do when problems arise.
If your co-parent avoids written communication, send the information anyway. “Per our phone conversation today, my understanding is that you’ve agreed to…” gives you a record even without their response.
You’ve just separated, started dating, and within weeks your children are spending time with this new person. While you might be excited about your new relationship, your children are still processing the family breakdown. Introducing new romantic partners prematurely can seriously harm your children and your custody case.
Why Timing Matters
Your separation is one of the most significant events in your children’s lives. They need time to adjust to their new reality before adding a new adult to the equation compounds their stress and confusion.
When you introduce children to a new partner, they begin forming emotional attachments. If that relationship doesn’t last, children experience another loss. Multiple relationships mean multiple losses, teaching children that important people are temporary. Meeting your new partner can also make children feel disloyal to their other parent, creating impossible emotional conflicts.
What Courts Consider
Family courts take new relationships very seriously. Introducing partners too quickly suggests poor judgment and prioritizing your needs over your children’s wellbeing. Courts can reduce your parenting time, require supervised access, or order that your children have no contact with new partners until the relationship has proven stable.
When and How to Introduce Appropriately
Generally, wait 6-12 months (sometimes longer) until your children have adjusted to the separation. Don’t introduce children to someone unless you believe the relationship has serious long-term potential. Casual dating partners shouldn’t meet your children.
When you do introduce a new partner, start slowly with brief, casual activities. Initial interactions should be fun and low-pressure. Your new partner shouldn’t try to parent, discipline, or develop an instant close relationship.
Pay attention to how your children respond and respect their feelings. Your children don’t have to like your new partner, and forcing relationships creates resentment. While you don’t need permission to date, informing your co-parent before introducing someone to your children is respectful and helps prevent conflicts.
Don’t move in with a new partner within the first year or two of separation. Courts view this as extremely poor judgment when done quickly.
Making negative comments about your co-parent in your children’s presence. Sharing details about why you separated, financial disputes, or legal proceedings. Rolling your eyes, sighing heavily, or making dismissive comments when your co-parent is mentioned.
This is perhaps the most damaging mistake parents make during separation. When you’re hurt and angry, controlling what you say about your co-parent is incredibly difficult. But it’s absolutely essential for your children’s wellbeing.
Why This Is So Harmful
When you criticize your child’s other parent, you’re criticizing half of who they are. Children identify with both parents, and attacks on one parent feel like attacks on themselves. Making children choose sides or feel like loving both parents is wrong creates severe emotional distress.
Children exposed to ongoing parental conflict and criticism develop higher rates of anxiety, depression, behavioral problems, and relationship difficulties later in life. As children mature, they often recognize and resent the manipulation, damaging their relationship with the parent who was badmouthing.
What Courts Think
Alberta family courts consider parental alienation—systematically undermining your child’s relationship with their other parent—as one of the most serious forms of emotional harm. Judges have reduced or eliminated custody for parents who engage in severe alienation, ordered supervised access, and awarded legal costs to the other parent.
Even subtle forms of criticism can negatively affect custody decisions. Courts look for parents who will support their children’s relationship with the other parent.
What Counts as Badmouthing
Obviously harmful examples include calling your co-parent names or blaming them for the family breakdown. But less obvious behaviors are equally damaging: dismissive comments like “Well, that’s just like your father,” heavy sighing when the other parent is mentioned, or sharing inappropriate details about disputes.
Actions also send damaging messages—refusing to communicate basic information, making transitions difficult, scheduling fun activities during the other parent’s time, or interrogating children about what happens at the other parent’s house.
How to Handle Difficult Situations Appropriately
When children ask why you separated, give age-appropriate information that doesn’t damage relationships. “Sometimes adults who love each other grow apart. We both love you very much, and that will never change” is far better than sharing details about infidelity or other adult issues.
Even if your co-parent did something legitimately wrong, how you discuss it matters. “Dad is dealing with some personal challenges right now. This isn’t your fault, and he loves you very much” acknowledges reality without destroying the child’s image of their parent.
Protect your children from adult conflicts by not discussing legal proceedings or custody battles around them. Support their relationship with the other parent by speaking positively, encouraging them to enjoy their time together, and helping them prepare for transitions.
Get your own support through a therapist, support group, or trusted friends—never through your children. They can’t fix what happened and shouldn’t have to manage your emotional needs.
What If the Other Parent Is Badmouthing You?
Take the high road and continue treating the other parent respectfully. Provide reassurance: “Sometimes when adults are going through hard times, they say things they don’t mean. Both your parents love you, and our problems aren’t your fault.”
Document severe alienation behaviors, which can be relevant in court if modifications become necessary. Consider having your lawyer address it or raising it in mediation.
Avoiding these five mistakes requires constant vigilance, especially during early separation when emotions run highest. Pause before you act by asking: “How will this affect my children?” “What would a judge think?” “Am I acting from hurt or from my children’s best interests?”
Build your support system including therapists, support groups, and trusted friends who can give honest feedback. Focus on the long game—decisions you make today affect your family for years. Invest in professional help through therapy, mediation, or legal guidance. The cost is substantial, but far less than the long-term price of preventable mistakes.
Consult with a family lawyer if you’re considering separation, your co-parent is engaging in harmful behaviors, you need help establishing decision-making authority, you’re struggling with co-parenting communication, or your custody arrangement isn’t working.
Early legal guidance helps you avoid problems rather than fixing them after damage is done.
Separation brings out strong emotions – anger, betrayal, fear, and grief. These feelings are valid. But your children deserve parents who can manage those emotions appropriately and put their wellbeing first.
Avoiding these five critical mistakes won’t make separation easy, but it will make it less damaging. Years from now, your children should be able to say: “My parents separated, and it was hard. But they both did their best to protect me and help me maintain relationships with both of them.”
At Jaswal Law, we understand that separation challenges even the most dedicated parents. We help families throughout the Edmonton region navigate this transition while protecting children’s wellbeing and parents’ legal rights.
Ready to discuss your child support situation? Contact Jaswal Law today for a free 30-minute consultation. Call us at 780-737-9999 or email info@jaswal-law.ca.
Serving families throughout Beaumont, Edmonton, Leduc, Nisku, Sherwood Park, Camrose, Wetaskiwin, and surrounding communities.
Disclaimer: This blog post provides general information about common parenting mistakes during separation and should not be considered legal advice. For advice about your particular situation, please consult with a qualified family lawyer.